I'm not sure I came to any conclusions about my feelings last night or had any of those questions answered, the question of "come as you are" vs. "be who you're 'supposed' to be."
But I do know this: hearing over and over again all the qualities I had "wrong" in a particular self-help book I was reading got me so mad I was sweating. Then, in a moment of what felt like clarity, that broke and I re-watched a video by one of my favorites, Ze Frank, on "Supposedtobes." Check the bottom of the page for the video. I know I posted it already, but you can't hear the truth too many times.
The takeaway from Ze's video is that "some days are just fucked," and traps like "to think that feeling down is the same thing as moving backwards" and "feeling anxious that you're anxious" are just that: traps. They're ways of thinking that don't make things any better, they just make things harder because they imprison people in the perception that there is a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, when in reality that's just not true. But that's a discussion for a different day.
Feelings come up that make us feel crumby (that's why I prefer to use "healthy" and "unhealthy" as barometers for feeling, rather than "good" and "bad"). It's not an existential or moral or mental crumbiness I'm talking about here; you can feel it in the body. Tension, restriction, nausea, and all of those things generate emotions that hurt, and emotions that hurt generate those things. It's a big spiral. Dig it?
But it's a spiral you can't get out of until you become aware that you're in it. I think that's what people mean when they talk about "consciousness" and "presence." It's just becoming aware, and becoming aware that you're aware.
But I do know this: hearing over and over again all the qualities I had "wrong" in a particular self-help book I was reading got me so mad I was sweating. Then, in a moment of what felt like clarity, that broke and I re-watched a video by one of my favorites, Ze Frank, on "Supposedtobes." Check the bottom of the page for the video. I know I posted it already, but you can't hear the truth too many times.
The takeaway from Ze's video is that "some days are just fucked," and traps like "to think that feeling down is the same thing as moving backwards" and "feeling anxious that you're anxious" are just that: traps. They're ways of thinking that don't make things any better, they just make things harder because they imprison people in the perception that there is a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, when in reality that's just not true. But that's a discussion for a different day.
Feelings come up that make us feel crumby (that's why I prefer to use "healthy" and "unhealthy" as barometers for feeling, rather than "good" and "bad"). It's not an existential or moral or mental crumbiness I'm talking about here; you can feel it in the body. Tension, restriction, nausea, and all of those things generate emotions that hurt, and emotions that hurt generate those things. It's a big spiral. Dig it?
But it's a spiral you can't get out of until you become aware that you're in it. I think that's what people mean when they talk about "consciousness" and "presence." It's just becoming aware, and becoming aware that you're aware.
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