This has been a hard week for me. I’ve moved to New York and a lot of my life circumstances changed rather quickly. It’s been a bit of a shock to the system, and it’s taken a lot of learning. I’m still learning. I’m still in the forest, not yet seeing it for the trees, or at least sometimes it feels that way. I’ve had one or two lucid moments.
I’m trying really hard to be comfortable with discomfort, but I don’t always make it. I guess that’s why this post has been so important lately. http://io9.com/be-good-to-each-other-folks-because-this-could-happen-1628599212
There’s a lot more to it than being good to each other, though. There’s someone else we need to be good to first: us. Ourselves. We have to recognize our own suffering and validate it. I’ve spent this whole week trying desperately to not feel bad, to get away from the gnawing anxiety. But I have been anxious. And the more I try to get out of it, the worse and worse I feel. It’s like quicksand.
And this makes sense.
And it’s something we’ve all heard before.
But I’ve heard it 100 times and still struggle with it from time to time. Maybe you do, too. If so, that’s OK. Now you know you’re among company.
Sometimes I end up sounding like a know it all. I recognize that. But lately, I feel like a know-nothing. That can be tough to someone who has tried so hard to always have all the answers, to be the messianic avatar I set out to be as a small child.
But the real world has other plans. The real world doesn’t follow a script. And it isn’t the thing that showed up in my head. I’m learning that now. I’m sure my older peers are chuckling now at the death of my innocence, fondly remembering their own. Maybe some of my other friends rage against the idea of old dreams dying, believing that they can be real, I just didn’t try hard enough.
But I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to die fighting. I don’t want my life to be a violent metaphor. I don’t want to spend all my time thinking I haven’t made it. I want to make it. I have made it. I know that’s the reality. My mind doesn’t want to accept it, and sometimes it’s louder than the voice of reason. But I try to get in touch. I try to live in the Tao.
Don’t you? Don’t we all? Isn’t peace what we all prize above everything else? Aren’t all of the conflicts in life just petty arguments about how to get there ?
I’d tell you the way is obvious, but that feels disingenuous since I feel I’m missing it now.
But gosh. You’re trying your best. And so am I.
I’m sorry this is so hard.
Please study the Tao. I think it can explain this better than I can.
I’m trying really hard to be comfortable with discomfort, but I don’t always make it. I guess that’s why this post has been so important lately. http://io9.com/be-good-to-each-other-folks-because-this-could-happen-1628599212
There’s a lot more to it than being good to each other, though. There’s someone else we need to be good to first: us. Ourselves. We have to recognize our own suffering and validate it. I’ve spent this whole week trying desperately to not feel bad, to get away from the gnawing anxiety. But I have been anxious. And the more I try to get out of it, the worse and worse I feel. It’s like quicksand.
And this makes sense.
And it’s something we’ve all heard before.
But I’ve heard it 100 times and still struggle with it from time to time. Maybe you do, too. If so, that’s OK. Now you know you’re among company.
Sometimes I end up sounding like a know it all. I recognize that. But lately, I feel like a know-nothing. That can be tough to someone who has tried so hard to always have all the answers, to be the messianic avatar I set out to be as a small child.
But the real world has other plans. The real world doesn’t follow a script. And it isn’t the thing that showed up in my head. I’m learning that now. I’m sure my older peers are chuckling now at the death of my innocence, fondly remembering their own. Maybe some of my other friends rage against the idea of old dreams dying, believing that they can be real, I just didn’t try hard enough.
But I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to die fighting. I don’t want my life to be a violent metaphor. I don’t want to spend all my time thinking I haven’t made it. I want to make it. I have made it. I know that’s the reality. My mind doesn’t want to accept it, and sometimes it’s louder than the voice of reason. But I try to get in touch. I try to live in the Tao.
Don’t you? Don’t we all? Isn’t peace what we all prize above everything else? Aren’t all of the conflicts in life just petty arguments about how to get there ?
I’d tell you the way is obvious, but that feels disingenuous since I feel I’m missing it now.
But gosh. You’re trying your best. And so am I.
I’m sorry this is so hard.
Please study the Tao. I think it can explain this better than I can.
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