This is something I wrote last night while I was upset by my seeming lack of ability to change a situation (which was, of course, only true according to the confines of my mind):
“So I know that I’m supposed to never feel sad or bad or hurt or unhealthy in any way, that those feelings are just phantasms of the mind gone mad, trying to kill me with its sick and insidious ways of keeping the past alive and guarantee I’ll be saved “when,” but in the meanwhile, I feel crumby. And when I feel crumby, I feel crumby, and sometimes there’s nothing to do about that.
I hear reports from modern masters that the great ones never get sad, upset, hurt, unhealthy. Eckhart Tolle is always in balance. Chuang-tzu played music and danced when his wife died because he knew there was nothing to be sad about. Eckhart even said that there comes a point when one’s job is to no longer just accept negative emotions when they arise, but stop producing them altogether.
Well I’m not there yet. Today, right now, I’m not there yet.
Or am I? Is this all a lie?
Is this the part where I start chanting “I am the greatest the world has to offer, this is my last rebirth, I will never be born again” AGAIN? Because I’ve tried that mantra. And guess what: I felt great.
And then I felt like shit.
So come on!
How do I deal with this?
How do you deal with this? With being told you’re never supposed to feel bad, that feeling bad is wrong and if it happens you’re doing it wrong?
FUCK”
This is probably due to a combination of factors. 1st, not exercising enough. It’s tough to process this big emotions that fill the body with so much energy when that energy is not getting released. 2nd, my mind set up certain rules that I had to play by in order to advance in any scenario, and it took someone else point that out to me for me to realize that it was all in my head, all arbitrary.
Why stick so hard to those arbitrary rules? Well, because it is comfortable. It’s nice to feel like you know, when just around the corner is unknowing and infinity.
I’ve been taken lately with a book called Daily Afflictions by Andrew Boyd. Each page is a chapter, each chapter is headed by a quote which seems to encapsulate or compliment the meat of the paragraph. The heading to the page entitled “The Interstate of Life” is a quote by Franz Kafka: “You are free and that is why you are lost.”
Does that ring true for anyone else? If life is an ocean, and living takes place on the sea, does the idea of staying out on the water, away from ports, islands, and security scare anyone else? Do you long for your chains to let you know where you stand and cannot move from?
Existentialism, right?
“So I know that I’m supposed to never feel sad or bad or hurt or unhealthy in any way, that those feelings are just phantasms of the mind gone mad, trying to kill me with its sick and insidious ways of keeping the past alive and guarantee I’ll be saved “when,” but in the meanwhile, I feel crumby. And when I feel crumby, I feel crumby, and sometimes there’s nothing to do about that.
I hear reports from modern masters that the great ones never get sad, upset, hurt, unhealthy. Eckhart Tolle is always in balance. Chuang-tzu played music and danced when his wife died because he knew there was nothing to be sad about. Eckhart even said that there comes a point when one’s job is to no longer just accept negative emotions when they arise, but stop producing them altogether.
Well I’m not there yet. Today, right now, I’m not there yet.
Or am I? Is this all a lie?
Is this the part where I start chanting “I am the greatest the world has to offer, this is my last rebirth, I will never be born again” AGAIN? Because I’ve tried that mantra. And guess what: I felt great.
And then I felt like shit.
So come on!
How do I deal with this?
How do you deal with this? With being told you’re never supposed to feel bad, that feeling bad is wrong and if it happens you’re doing it wrong?
FUCK”
This is probably due to a combination of factors. 1st, not exercising enough. It’s tough to process this big emotions that fill the body with so much energy when that energy is not getting released. 2nd, my mind set up certain rules that I had to play by in order to advance in any scenario, and it took someone else point that out to me for me to realize that it was all in my head, all arbitrary.
Why stick so hard to those arbitrary rules? Well, because it is comfortable. It’s nice to feel like you know, when just around the corner is unknowing and infinity.
I’ve been taken lately with a book called Daily Afflictions by Andrew Boyd. Each page is a chapter, each chapter is headed by a quote which seems to encapsulate or compliment the meat of the paragraph. The heading to the page entitled “The Interstate of Life” is a quote by Franz Kafka: “You are free and that is why you are lost.”
Does that ring true for anyone else? If life is an ocean, and living takes place on the sea, does the idea of staying out on the water, away from ports, islands, and security scare anyone else? Do you long for your chains to let you know where you stand and cannot move from?
Existentialism, right?
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