I have a friend who is on a reality TV show right now.
And she’s polyamorous.
And she got me into polyamory.
She left a cadre of partners (a constellation, they might be called) behind, and now, on national television, she’s forming a new bond with a new man, and who knows who else she might fall in with.
It’s fascinating to watch.
It’s also fascinating to watch my reactions. The show isn’t out yet, just tweets from the Fox-run propaganda page, but most of them lately are concerning her deepening bond with Man X.
As I saw it this morning, I began to feel a twinge of jealousy, and old voice creeping into my head saying “Why not me?” I think that’s what jealousy is, really. I think that’s the question it asks.
Anyway, I’ve had that feeling with her before. When I was less aware, it would consume me, mire me down, upset my world and pitch me into a chaos from which I felt I needed to escape (big mistake, by the way. Trying to make meaningful action while emotional). The pain has lessened every time as I’ve become more aware and realized I don’t need to listen to the voices in my head.
Today, though, reflecting on these feelings, I felt like I was observing the observer, standing at a crossroads knowing “I could go this way or that, or just sit here in the middle.”
I could be jealous.
I could not care.
I could be happy for her.
Happy she’s made a new connection. Happy that people all over the planet are going to get to see that alternative relationship styles have substance, aren’t just unfounded childish impulses masquerading in adult language.
My sister and I spoke recently about relationships, and she introduced me to a concept that really helped crystallize one of the things about modern relationship psychology I don’t agree with: linear structure, or a linear narrative.
The idea that relationships move in a direction, toward a goal, with check points along the way, and until that goal is reached, the relationship is deemed illegitimate, like the “real thing” is still in the future. I find myself falling prey to it sometimes when talking with friends who are in monogamous relationships.
What about the currency in letting relationships unfold themselves? Letting the relationship tell you where it wants to go, rather than thinking about where it’s “supposed” to end up?
Anyway, this is a writing on jealousy, it’s opposite (compersion), and thoughts in general.
Enjoy.
And she’s polyamorous.
And she got me into polyamory.
She left a cadre of partners (a constellation, they might be called) behind, and now, on national television, she’s forming a new bond with a new man, and who knows who else she might fall in with.
It’s fascinating to watch.
It’s also fascinating to watch my reactions. The show isn’t out yet, just tweets from the Fox-run propaganda page, but most of them lately are concerning her deepening bond with Man X.
As I saw it this morning, I began to feel a twinge of jealousy, and old voice creeping into my head saying “Why not me?” I think that’s what jealousy is, really. I think that’s the question it asks.
Anyway, I’ve had that feeling with her before. When I was less aware, it would consume me, mire me down, upset my world and pitch me into a chaos from which I felt I needed to escape (big mistake, by the way. Trying to make meaningful action while emotional). The pain has lessened every time as I’ve become more aware and realized I don’t need to listen to the voices in my head.
Today, though, reflecting on these feelings, I felt like I was observing the observer, standing at a crossroads knowing “I could go this way or that, or just sit here in the middle.”
I could be jealous.
I could not care.
I could be happy for her.
Happy she’s made a new connection. Happy that people all over the planet are going to get to see that alternative relationship styles have substance, aren’t just unfounded childish impulses masquerading in adult language.
My sister and I spoke recently about relationships, and she introduced me to a concept that really helped crystallize one of the things about modern relationship psychology I don’t agree with: linear structure, or a linear narrative.
The idea that relationships move in a direction, toward a goal, with check points along the way, and until that goal is reached, the relationship is deemed illegitimate, like the “real thing” is still in the future. I find myself falling prey to it sometimes when talking with friends who are in monogamous relationships.
What about the currency in letting relationships unfold themselves? Letting the relationship tell you where it wants to go, rather than thinking about where it’s “supposed” to end up?
Anyway, this is a writing on jealousy, it’s opposite (compersion), and thoughts in general.
Enjoy.